so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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