It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
