if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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