we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
