I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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