i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
