You work out of a Hotel?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
