i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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