i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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