she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
