ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
