TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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