He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
