Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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