ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
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