Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
