Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
