i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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