Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
