Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
