Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
