Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
