I just saw a hot homeless man
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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