Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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