I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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