She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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