There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
