I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
