And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
As shirtless as possible
Watching her eat just hurts me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
