I think my vagina is haunted
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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