shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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