I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
