There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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