3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
