So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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