i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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