i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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