one might say we're banned from that church
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
