but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
