careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
