If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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