no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
