If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
