The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
