Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
