I can text with my tongue
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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