Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
