You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
