happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
