Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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