On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
